-by gasper crasto
Goan Football, Tiatr, Tiatrists, Dances and Internet Goans are perhaps more popular in Kuwait than anywhere else in the world.
The fame and infamy of the Goan diaspora here is mainly due to Kuwait’s laissez-faire access of the internet made easy by relaxed charges even on ADSL connection.
When I first landed in ’99, there were few who could distinguish between an explorer and a browser, hotmail and email, homepage and a webpage, Search Engines and E-Greetings. Very few were seen using computers in their homes other than offices. Now, even kids play around with sophisticated softwares and gadgets on the PCs & laptops. And ofcourse, using the Internet has become an ‘essential’ necessity to stay ‘connected’ -- with some people having more friends on the Internet than in real life.
People in Kuwait are ‘shockingly’ so advanced and bright, that, anyone who has access to internet thinks they can write as good as Salman Rushdie and with the same fire as Rajan Narayan. End result – every article/posting on the net is debated and deliberated by all and sundry.
There are ‘views’ and ‘opinions’ from different individuals about anything that happens in Kuwait. People who otherwise wouldn't reply to an email of their own dear ones find ample time to write what they think are ‘intelligent’ and ‘ideological’ thoughts. It is only when their 'alien and idiotic' ideas are being pointed out by some of the world’s firebrand Goan brains that they wish they had never been on the net.
But then, the agitated souls sit quiet only for a while. Then they are back on their heads with their ‘aristocratic’ views which may not be linked to any ‘current’ news, subject or activity.
Some friends and newcomers in Kuwait who are regular readers of Goan scramblings on the net posed me some of the following questions. Perhaps the answers are quite juvenile considering the seriousness of some subjects, but then, the effort is just another ‘aimless shooting’ to force my way into a ‘pliable’ controversy. Everyone is free to correct, impugn, dispute, debate or add a few more answers.
Newton’s Law for social functions and dance Nites in Kuwait:
Q. I’ve heard that the sound system for dance Nites is more expensive in Kuwait than even the main bands?
A. Everyone knows that a band without a good sound is nothing but a reng-te-teng. Even for dramas, it is the sound that creates the ‘invigorating’ effect and sometimes ‘irritating-to-some-brains’ magic. This is a fact elsewhere in the world too. The real, non-electric music culture of Goa can be found only at ‘funeral’ bands now. That too might go ‘extinct’ once the old timers are ‘run-out’.
Q. Why are there dance contests at every dance nite?
A. Quite obvious -- everyone wants to compete and prove what great dancers they are; winning prizes is secondary, participation can be a headline back home in India.
Q. What should be done about people who don’t dance, compete or even move their feet – the ones who sit-and-watch?
A. They should be denied entry. Or whenever you come across such folks give them a push to shake off their ‘inferior gravitational pull’ of Newton’s First Law on them.
Newton’s First Law: Every object in a state of uniform motion tends to remain in that state of motion unless an external force is applied to it.
Newton’s Law for dramas and tiatrs in Kuwait.
Q. Why are the best singers not so popular in Kuwait?
A. This is because they are never criticized ‘brusquely’ on the net?
Q. Why don’t you see local tiatrists (when they don't act) patronizing tiatrs?
A. They are scared the other tiatrist will shock them by singing about their life – that’s what every tiatrist does – sing about their mates – atleast one song of this type in every ‘other’ tiatr.
Q. Why are 'Super-hit Flop' shows hailed as super hits or never criticized as flops on the net?
A. Criticism is taken as ‘kurnatkai’ this part of the world. Kuwait tiatrist never believe in criticism, many think they are professionals. The ‘days’ are not in Kuwait when an actor/director used to improve upon their flaws based purely on criticism. Moreover, in recent times, there is an increased amount of anonymous and 'fake' critiques who are ashamed of their own selves to write in their true identity.
Q. Why don’t the best stories win first prizes at one act play competitions?
A. Stories don’t matter much here. It’s the ‘other-side-of-the-story’ that ‘counts’ for judges who sit around calculating on complicated spreadsheets. Judges are too occupied ‘counting’ to pay attention to the storyline. Even a play with an Oscar winning script may end up last if it doesn’t have a good stage setting, costumes & lighting to impress the judges; while a ‘meaningless’ play with super stage decor can walk away ‘Best Play’.
Q. They say the best Tiatrists are in Kuwait. Why is it then, that there are more crowds for shows of visiting troupes?
A. Haven’t you heard, ‘a saint is never hailed in his own land?’.., visiting troupes, however, is a whole other ‘issue’. Lets talk about them some other time. Talk Kuwait.
Q. What is this ‘To aslear hanv Nam’ phrase among Kuwait Tiatrist?
A. It’s a game played ‘between’ just one person at a time. Two individuals cannot play this game together like in boxing, they play independently – one at a time. The game is more popular with the spectators (audience & readers) rather than the actual players concerned. It is made increasingly popular by some espousing ‘Vectors’ either side of the players.
Q. What’s the duration of this game? Who won it last?
A. Nobody has won it so far. The players think they can win if they accelerate more during ‘plays’, unfortunately they don’t - they always end up losers. People who applause this game are the biggest losers. Watch out ! The game is catching up fast in other parts of the Konkani world as well.
Q. Who are the winners then?
A. No one. It is EQUAL so far, it will remain equal till the players realize how foolish they are to play a game that makes them lose their ‘noble worth’ or never can get a victory. The winners, however, are always the ones who read about this game, elsewhere other than in Kuwait. Funny, isn’t it? Anyway, the game will continue for a while till the 'organizers' of such games leave for another planet.
Q. Is there any law (rules) for this game?
A. This game follows just one law -- Newton’s Second Law that states: The relationship between an object's mass ‘m’, its acceleration ‘a’, and the applied force ‘F’ is F = ma. Acceleration and force are vectors. In this law the direction of the force vector is the same as the direction of the acceleration vector.
Newton’s Law for football and Internet.
Q. Why are blunders committed by referees in every other match?
A. Referees commit mistakes everywhere in the world but it is only in Kuwait these are seen as blunders – that too only by the losing teams. Check with any of the winners and get back to me.
Q. Why is Mr. X made the Chief Guest? Does he know football as much as me?
A. I bet they should make you the chief guest in future. But then, aren’t you broke every weekend? Our clubs run because of some of these guests. They are our main supporters, sponsors and well wishers. What are you? The organizers will have to send a car to fetch you from home first thing...and then... Forget it.. .. Next question.
Q. Why just one prize – a man of the match award given and rest all prizes kept for the organizers?
A. This is not very often though. But it is to make the players realize that the organizers are more important than the game. There won’t be no competition without the organizing clubs.
Q. Why are photos of the winning teams NOT published in the media?
A. Usually they are published. But it is not part of the tournament agreement with the clubs to publish their photos. Teams have no right to question this.
Q. Why only trophies are given, why not cash prizes in football?
A. Cash prizes, ofcourse, are forbidden by the Islamic law (nothing related to Newton’s law though). Players, however, earn enough from their clubs with some clubs paying handsomely or providing return air-tickets even at the cost of more deserving club members; trophies remain the necessary souvenirs. You must see the chaos created at some games for want of these trophies though; having cash prizes will require the games to be moved to Baghdad’s tight security ‘Green Zone’.
Q. Why are there no comments on the net by players and captains?
A. Isn’t that an awful question? Even Churchill can answer that. ‘There will be comments on the net only if the ball passes through the net.’ That happened for a record one time in Kuwait – ball passing between the goalpost and through the net was given a goal kick.
Q. Can anyone write anything on anyone on the net from Kuwait? If it was in Goa, these kind of ‘reprobates’ would be caught and tied to a coconut tree and beaten blue.
A. Well, there are no coconut trees here and nobody has guts to misuse the palm trees available, they are owned by the Sheikh.
Q. Why are petty happenings in Kuwait floundered on all other world forums? And then shamelessly debated and circulated? Can’t this be finished off with verbal confrontations within Kuwait?
A. Well, it is eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth, kick for a kick, word for a word, dialogue for a dialogue, song for a song, and email for an email – the most followed policy in Kuwait is Newton’s THIRD Law: For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Cheers..!
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Thought for the week:
"On the Internet, Nobody Knows You’re a Dog." -gaspersWorld