A humor story by Gasper Crasto...26th October 2020
𝗦ilence in the house has always been a yogic feature of my life, it enables me to sit back and enjoy a good time being myself.
However, my definition of silence is not meditation or prayer, it means ‘silently’ browsing the net, watching YouTube, or reading till midnight while she does what she does best -- eat cakes behind my eyes or scoop ice-cream middle of the night.
For me, there is nothing like reading a book, and from my point of view, I have not read a book unless I have read it 10 times. If it is a good book, the more I read it, the better it turns to be.
My wife, on the other hand, when she reads something -- a book or a magazine, or watches a serial or a Hindi film, that’s the end of it.
Me, if I like a movie, I will watch it over and over; I still watch ‘Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge’, and ‘The Godfather’ ever since I first saw them; I can recite the entire dialogues of Shah Rukh Khan and Al Pacino from these movies, by heart.
𝗟𝗜𝗙𝗘𝗦𝗧𝗬𝗟𝗘 𝗨𝗡𝗗𝗘𝗥 𝗟𝗢𝗖𝗞𝗗𝗢𝗪𝗡
The Lockdown, work-from-home, curfew, me and my wife have grown accustomed to each other’s presence in the coronacoaster of life.
One thing common during the pandemic has been the sound of my wife’s monotonous chatter – almost sounding like Amazon’s voice interaction app Alexa.
I cannot remember a time spent so much together with no serious obligations needing attention. Well, it has helped me to catch up on some of my reading and writing, and ‘cleaning-the-house’ projects that I was behind on.
Finding something to do in the house to keep me amused has always been a ‘positive’ challenge of 2020 apart from staying ‘A-symptomatic’.
My wife can always find something to do -- especially something for me to do – if she sees me sitting idle. That is why every day I ‘act’ very-very busy, and I think I can claim an award for my ‘super-duper’ acting.
𝗗𝗘𝗝𝗔 𝗩𝗨 𝗠𝗘𝗠𝗢𝗥𝗜𝗘𝗦
The other day, I was watching news on TV, and was on the laptop at the same time as usual - listening to music and writing something for my blog.
She was digging through some stuff; she has this weird habit for digging into ‘archaeological’ memories that I rather wish to forget.
She discovered an album of old photographs, I forgot we even had such photographs in the house, and I am sure my daughter wondered what a photo-album was. After all, she has grown up like all the new generation kids looking at photographs on digital gadgets.
“See what I found!” my wife exclaimed swerving the album in the air as if it was the much-wanted vaccine for the virus.
“What not she remembers!” I sighed as I saw her flipping the pages. “Not only does she remember things I have forgotten, she remembers things I have never known.”
“Do you know who that person is?” she asked my daughter showing a picture.
The little one ‘screened’ the photograph and said, “No, it doesn't look any familiar, who is it?”
My wife smiled at her and said, “Take another look….”
“No, I can’t figure out who that is,” the chipmunk answered.
“Show it to him,” she eyed me. “It’s him just before we got married?”
“Me?” I asked snatching the album.
There was a picture of a young man in sunglasses, looking more like Prabhu Deva, the Tamil actor, and as skinny as a starving man from Uganda, stylish nevertheless.
I will not admit to getting old now, of course, I am only older than I was some 15 years ago.
“I can’t remember where this picture was taken,” I said.
“Are you sure that’s him, mama?” my daughter asked. “If that's what he looked like before marriage, what has happened to him now.”
The way she said ‘what happened’ made it sound like I had become some ‘scrap’ metal.
𝗔𝗡𝗧𝗜-𝗕𝗢𝗗𝗜𝗘𝗦 𝗜𝗡 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗛𝗢𝗨𝗦𝗘
The two of them kept commenting and picking on me which disturbed my ‘silence’ and unsettled my nerves. I had to either ‘mask’ myself fast or complain to World Health Organization (WHO) about the intimidating ‘anti-bodies’ in the house.
Well, I talk in the house only when necessary and listen when necessary. However, my biggest mistake has been that I listen when I should be talking, and I talk when I should be listening. If that isn't frustrating, I don’t know what is.
After a while, the ‘madam’ of the house asked her most common question, “Are you listening?”
No matter how long you are married, never ignore when your wife is talking. She may have a surprise-test in store later at night which can give you hallucinations.
“Are you listening to me?” she asked again, somewhat mockingly.
“Why, yes. Am not deaf.” I said.
“Okay,” she said, “what did I say?”
At that point, I knew I was in trouble because I may have been listening, but I did not really hear what she said.
“Looks like the ‘social distancing’ has affected your ‘hearing’ in the house,” she said.
𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗙𝗜𝗡𝗔𝗟 𝗩𝗘𝗥𝗗𝗜𝗖𝗧
Looking at some other pictures, my daughter interrupted saying something perhaps she should not have said, “Mama, he was not at all handsome; why did you marry him...”
They looked at each other for a moment and burst out laughing which pissed me off no ends.
“Hey,” I said to my daughter. “No person really decides who they’re going to marry. God decides that. You find out only later who you’re stuck with. It’s true, I didn’t have good looks or any money back then...”
My wife saw how aggravated I was and probably thought of rubbing some salt. She said, “And where do you have good looks or money, now?”
They giggled again.
“Oieee, you heard about ‘flattening the curve’?” I asked, rubbing my hands against each other, “Who wants to be ‘flattened’ here, and ‘sanitized’!!!”
𝗧𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝗶𝗻𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘀𝗶𝗹𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲, 𝗶𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗮𝗺𝘂𝘀𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵. 𝗜𝘁 𝗹𝗲𝗳𝘁 𝗺𝗲 𝗵𝗮𝗹𝗳-𝗾𝘂𝗮𝗿𝗮𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗲𝗱 𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗱𝗮𝘆 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗮 ‘𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗳𝗶𝗿𝗺𝗲𝗱 𝗰𝗮𝘀𝗲’ – 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝗶𝗹𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝗻𝗼 𝘀𝗶𝗹𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱 𝗼𝗳 𝗺𝘆 𝘄𝗶𝗳𝗲’𝘀 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝗯𝗹𝗮𝗯𝗯𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴!
:::HAPPY Wedding Anniversary esparansa:::