:::Preface:::This is a fictional humor story. Any relation to actual news is purely coincidental...
June-July
is an off-season for most footballers around the globe.
Iconic superstar of the planet -- Lionel Messi finds
himself holidaying in Goa -- unnoticed from the brouhaha of paparazzis and the snoopy
media.
Staying at the exotic Leela Goa Hotel, Messi
decides to stroll down the sea on a late Sunday morning. He comes across some
Goans ‘picnicking’, playing football on the beach. Messi is fascinated and
decides to watch a while.
With Italian Police goggles, a straw hat
low down the head, Adidas T-shirt, typical three-quarter Goan shorts,
Messi looks stranger than fiction in the getup. Out of the blue, he sees a pot-bellied Goan, tummy as plump as a ‘Sintex’ water tank, beer bottle in
hand, waving him to come over.
Messi giggles and joins the man under the shade of a coconut
tree; amused with himself for not being recognized.
Messi :
|
Hola Senor, comestas...
|
Goan :
|
Hello Patrao.. Welcome..!!! Welcome to the land of beauty and beaches,
and freedom and feni and football..! ...You like football?”
|
Messi :
|
You mean soccer!!!...
|
Goan :
|
Foot-ball.. World number one, Goa’s numero uno sport..! Wanna play
with the guys?..
|
Messi
:
|
It’s
okay.. I will watch..
|
Goan
:
|
You
are too short for football anyway.. ha ha..
|
Messi
:
|
Hmm.
The guys are good.. impressionate.., grande... amazing style.... Am sure the
boys play on grass?”
|
Goan
:
|
Na..
na.. nobody plays on grass, ganja or drugs in Goa. Dope's too costly... Maybe
on beer, sometimes.. like today..
|
Messi
:
|
I
mean.. what grounds do you usually play?
|
Goan
:
|
Any
grounds except ‘Fatorda grounds’.....Ha ha, that’s a joke only Goans
understand... Well, only the best play there…
|
Messi
:
|
I
gotta speak the truth -- the guys are.. what should I say.. ‘simplemente..
excelente..!’....
|
Goan
:
|
This
is nothing, boss. You should see Dempo-Salgaocar... They will beat AC Milan,
Real Madrid or Brazil on their day -- only in Goa though..! Matter of
fact, the much hyped English Premier League is second-rate compared to our
Goan Veterans matches...
|
Messi
:
|
Is
that so? Why don’t you produce top-class players, then?
|
Goan
:
|
The
best of our players have been migrating to Portugal, Canada and
Australia in recent years, .. Perhaps they play there, I don’t
know... We never get to watch.. I personally watch only the best teams
of the world, best clubs..
|
Messi
:
|
Do
you watch Barca?
|
Goan
:
|
Barsa
or Bar-ca? Perhaps you mean Varca.. Churchill Bros, Varca. They are a
champion team..
|
Messi
:
|
Barsa..
Spanish ‘gigantes’ Bar-ce-lona...”
|
Goan
:
|
Barcelona...
they are good. But that selfish ‘lefty’ Messi ruins the game. He should be
banned from playing every alternate game atleast - to make the La-Liga more
competitive and charming..
|
Messi
:
|
Why?
|
Goan
:
|
Don’t
you ever see? There are guys better than Messi, but that ‘robot’ insists he
has the final touch for every goal scored.. Isn’t that unfair?
|
Messi
:
|
Hmmm..?”
|
Goan
:
|
Man,
it’s so dull to see him score the goals alone, every match...
|
Messi
:
|
It’s
not true, Senhor... Pedro scored so many last season..
|
Goan
:
|
...And
he missed a dozen every game. We have plenty such Pedrus in Goan teams. Look
at the guys down there. Anyone missing a pass, especially a goal, is called,
‘sarko mure Pedru’.. ...Just wait and see...
|
Messi
:
|
Does
that mean they all play like Barcelona’s Pedro?
|
Goan
:
|
Somewhat..ha
ha.. I heard they have a Brazilian new star to switch him now...
|
Messi
:
|
Ney-mar?
|
Goan
:
|
I
said new-star...
|
Messi
:
|
That’s
what I said..
|
Goan
:
|
Never
mind. Am happy you like football Goan style.. Here, have a glass, have
beer.. Here’s for Goan football...Cheers!
|
Messi
:
|
Oh,
thanks... the heat here really needs a sip.. Do I pay?
|
Goan
:
|
Chill
out man! You may drink the full crate if you wish and go back to your hotel
swimming like a fish... ha.. ha .. ha ... Cheers..! We feel proud when
foreigners appreciate our game..
|
Messi
:
|
Gracias
Obrigado.. I wonder how Goans play football in this awful heat? Don't you
play on lights?
|
Goan
:
|
Unfortunately
no. But I heard the new CM has plans to hold bullfights on floodlights – just
to promote local undercover betting at nights, and give the casinos a hard
time..
|
Messi
:
|
I’ve
been to Asia before.. been to Japan, China.. and Culcutta couple of years
back.. The Japs are awesome, and the Chinese just crazy about the game.. But
I must say how impressed I am to see Goanese football...”
|
Goan
:
|
Goanese?
Hello dude, cut the geese.. We are Goans, just Goans..! Where you from?”
|
Messi
:
|
I
come from the same place as His Holiness Pope Francis..
|
Goan
:
|
Hmmm..
Rome..!!! Italy..!!!! AC Milan..
Balotelli, Lamborghini, Maserati,
Ferrari, Maldini, Platini..
|
Messi
:
|
Hey-hey...Michel
is French..!
|
Goan
:
|
Who’s
Michel?
|
Messi
:
|
Michel
Platini. He is from France!
|
Goan
:
|
Yaar..
How do you know?
|
Messi
:
|
No
se preocupe! You guys seem to be football fanatics.... Which team do you... I
mean Goans support at European and World Cup?
|
Goan
:
|
100
percent Portugal, the rest support Brazil..
|
Messi
:
|
Hmmm..
Pretty obvious, Goa being a former Portuguese colony...
|
Goan
:
|
You
heard it right..!
|
Messi
:
|
You
guys still think you belong to Portugal?
|
Goan
:
|
Hello
sir, we owe them the game; proud they taught us football. Incidentally, most
Portugal players have their roots in Goa. You know Ronaldo? His forefathers
were Goans.. Yes..
|
Messi
:
|
Is
that so...Es cierto,,.. es real..?
|
Goan
:
|
Yep..
Real.. Real Madrid..!.... His grandparents lived here as late as 1960s.
They were Hindus then.. Perhaps they converted after going to Por-tu-gal..
You can understand why they named the guy ‘Christian’ Ronaldo..
|
Messi
:
|
That’s
some news... By the way, you know who I am?
|
Goan
:
|
Konn
tum? Who are you?.. Tell me, tell me...
|
Messi
:
|
I am
Leo Messi de Argentina, jugando para el Barcelona...4 time winner -- FIFA
Ballon d’Or Internacionale player of the Year do mundo....
|
Goan
:
|
Patrao,
did you stop at any ‘shack’ on the way here?
|
Messi
:
|
Nay..
|
Goan
:
|
Did
you slosh too many drinks last night? You have a hangover something?
|
Messi
:
|
It’s
the first glass of beer I’ve had in weeks.. Why do you ask?
|
Goan
:
|
One
glass of beer makes you say you are Messi..
|
Messi
:
|
My
pleasure, Senor..
|
Goan
:
|
Well,
if you drink 3 pegs of our cashew feni, you will say you are Bruce Lee.. ha
ha... Before you say that, let me take a dip in the sea.
|
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