:::A short humor story by Gasper Crasto / Kuwait...08.10.2015:::
Me and my wife. We were at the movies.
It’s not very often that we go for movies. We went because it was a ‘Konknni hit film’; couldn’t miss that.
There was this woman few rows down the gangway, endlessly playing on her ‘smart’ phone like a baby playing with a new doll. In the dark of the hall, her mobile screen was more shinier than the movie screen, almost like a powerful torch. It shone like the sun in my eyes.
“Look at that stupid lady,” I grunted every time the phone-light came on.
“Quiet,” my wife tried to calm me down, “atleast she is not talking on the phone like others do, what’s your problem?”
“So disgusting, should I go tell her to shut it off for good... What is she up to.. Is she come to watch the movie or play games on her phone..”
“Hey-y.. just sit and watch.. she’s on WhatsApp.. everyone is nowadays... Goa, Kerala, Kuwait – the whole world. She puts it off, someone else will be on…”
Someone else will be ‘on’.
I had to live up with the distraction all through – using my hands at times to shield the glare or dodge behind a head to avoid it; the woman would peep at the phone every few minutes, type something into it, put it into her handbag.. only to fish it out seconds later -- just when the film was beginning to look interesting.
Am sure, you might have observed this kinda nonsense at parties, functions or meetings -- a friend or someone incessantly fiddling on the phone.
“It’s a major ‘sickness’ of this generation, after facebook ofcourse..,” my wife stated.
“Whatsapp. Free messaging. Sickness.?” I asked, “I don’t agree.. it’s the ‘king’ of mobile messaging – images, video and audio messages at no cost. You saw naah Matilda auntie’s voice message other day, so sweet.. ”
“The kids are hooked up -- like those drug addicts of the 70s,” she said. “The impact is so bad, everyone has left the real world, their entire life is on WhatsApp.. like you..”
“Me..?” I eyed her.
“You are in a dozen WhatsApp groups yourself – they pop up on your cell-phone every minute – friends, neighbors, classmates, colleagues, clubs, footballers.. .. ”
“That’s useful and important info.. ” I reasoned out inbetween the movie dialogues.
Our ‘own dialogues’ on the subject continued long after the movie was over and we had reached home.
“Useful info, hmm?” she asked when she saw me reading a message on the phone. “I can visualize people in the groups feeling happy and sad depending on the reply they get from others.”
“What do you exactly mean, ma’am..?”
“You are hypnotized and controlled by others. I don’t think you are different from them.. People are so much into it, they cannot help themself without continuously chatting, replying and sharing, regardless of the scenario. ...”
“Well, I try to keep myself updated..,” I protested, “I don’t waste time chatting or writing poetry on WhatsApp.. After all it is all free naah?.. It’s good for families, prayer-groups, communities..”
“Good? It gives nothing but endless necessity, you are kept to read the status, replying, sharing and if something goes wrong with the app you keep fixing it whole day, like you do often.. ”
“Well..well..” I mumbled.
“...Too much technology around, I believe most kids have lost it -- lost their identity even before they have gained one. I don’t think they will ever recover from this nuisance.. ..”
“You got to live by the times, dear!” I said, “Nowadays for me, a night with the cell phones quiet is like a night in the desert...”
“Am shocked mature people like you are affected. If this goes on, even the ‘senior citizens’ will end up losing precious time and days.. You agree?”
“Depends whether you use it right or abuse it..” I said. “I think it’s cooool – da good mornings, good nights, bible quotes, voice messages, free-calls, jokes..”
“It’s becoming more than a joke.. ..knowing that ‘smart phones’ were invented to make life easy and save our time...”
“They are!” I stated, “I always check my messages from the ‘Prince Charming Throne’ every morning and I type some replies too. Quite comfortable..! It doesn’t mean I waste time, does it?”
“Yaakk, that’s the height..,” she said storming into the kitchen, “I wish someone calls a moratorium on all updates for the next 5 years -- suspend all free Apps right away. No more of this nonsense please, it’s getting hopeless..”
I thought that was it - the end of the topic. I was happy I had won the debate.
Personally, I must confess I am not up-to-date with the latest technical gizmos. I am not against modern technology but I simply cannot keep up with it. As a matter of fact, as soon as I get a new mobile phone, it goes out-of-date, which hurts me a lot.
Nevertheless, I have tried almost every free App on the web just to see how it works – from skype to snapchat, viber to instagram and twitter to talking tom.
That brings me to the subject of the ‘selfie’ which is not going to be outdated so soon am sure. It took me a long time to understand what it was. You know, my clock is not always ticking. My idea of a ‘selfie’ was someone who is very ‘selfish’. How was I to know it had something to do with taking your own photo?
“Here, let me take a ‘selfie’ and WhatsApp everyone on the list,..” I said loud enough to be heard by my sweet wife and our next door neighbors too.
“Hold it..” I heard her from the kitchen, “Here’s a message, check it out..”
No sooner she said that, there was a message chime on my phone.
“What is it?” I swiped the screen excitedly and clicked on the WhatsApp icon.
She wrote, “You must understand how hard it is to take a selfie when you look so ugly.. 😏..”
While I was musing about the text which wasn’t really that amusing, there was another plop from her: “Chill out old man.. Go ahead..! Wassup da world – if that makes you happy!”
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