A special humor story: To my mother on her birthday.
"Happy Birthday Mariani, love you!"
One of the greatest joys in life, and there is at least one joy which I am convinced, is to discover you were right all along.
And, I am not going to make a list of all things I was ‘right’ about. No sense in crowing, but I just can't resist talking about this one.
The subject is centered on arguments with my mother. Of the many interactions I have had with her over the years, one stands out with out-and-out clarity.
Well, one advantage a mother has over her children, is that sense of authority and being ‘right’ all the time. However, looking back, I can see that my mother was not right every time.
Mariani, my mother, like all mothers, is a great mother. She just has all the information, much of which she got from her mother. I am not sure where Magdalena, my grandmother got her material from, but it was wrong too.
And, when you have bad info, there is nothing more you can do but inflict it upon your children. And my mother imposed away at us ‘children’.
THE ‘PEZ’ SMACKDOWN..!
As a kid, I can't tell you how many times my mother told me, “Eat ‘pez’, it’s good for health.”
Goan ‘pez’ or canjee, as everyone knows, is the simplest of rice preparations, mostly made with parboiled red rice.
Those days my mother cooked ‘pez’ in a ‘burkolo’, a clay pot on a wood-fired ‘randonn’ stove and served us anytime between 10 and 11 in the mornings, with a spoon ‘dovlo’ made of coconut shell.
“Pez is for the sick,” was always my opinion, “or for people recovering from illness especially from cold or fever.”
When I protested my mom would further yell at me saying, “Finish it all, it won't kill you. Nobody has died eating ‘pez’.”
Man, was she right?
For years, I told my mother, ‘pez’ may not be too great.
Now, I have scientific proof as well as confirmation from our family doctor that the ‘habit of eating ‘pez’ may indeed turn into a psychological necessity’.
Where was all this information when I was young and force-fed?
Of course, there was the idea that my mother knew all this and was simply trying to kill me.
No. After further thought, I was sure that was far from being true. But don't think I did not ponder over that during my younger days.
Parties or feasts, shine or rains, games or pains, birthdays, dry days, Good Fridays – there was ‘pez’ on the coals, steaming until the twelfth of never.
And my mother used everything she could think of to get me to eat it.
She used intimidation, arguments and a good old-fashioned thrashing. None of it seemed to make her ‘pez’ taste any better though.
At times, especially during intense burning summers, her continuous hounding to feed me ‘pez’ was sufficient to upset even the angels.
‘PEZ’ MYSTERY REVEALED
One of the ‘subjects’ she used to get me to eat ‘pez’ was good old grandpa.
“Papai eats ‘pez’ everyday, look how strong he is,” my mother would ‘sledge’ me. “Look at all of the things he does because of ‘pez’.”
Of course, from my observation, grandpa only ate ‘pez’ because his life was threatened - he had no teeth to eat meat.
I tried to have an agreement with my mother that I would eat ‘pez’ every time my life was threatened. Then she threatened my life!
Despite my attempt to challenge her threats, and using heat of the fire and the sun as an excuse for my alleged behavior, Ma constantly gave me a firm look and her arguments continued.
“Eat hot-hot..!” she pleaded, “Certainly you want to be like Papai, strong like a rock, don't you?”
To which I responded, “Yes, and Papai drinks a king-size ‘kalsh’ of caju feni, and smokes a cigar of ‘dumtti’ rolled in a jackfruit leaf. Can I have that too?”
I did not think it fair of mom to make me eat ‘pez’ all the time and then not allow me to taste the ‘feni’.
Mariani was not too amused with my argument concerning grandpa’s feni. It had no effect on her, but it caused severe pain in my left ear as she led me by the ear back to the dining table to finish off my bowl of ‘pez’.
I had a one-track mind then, which eventually led me to like ‘pez’ so much so that I relished eating it for breakfast, lunch and even dinner. Of course I was too little to know the difference then.
I found the ‘pez’ absolutely delicious when I had it with a variety of add-ons like sugar, or accompanied supplements like tora-shiro (sliced raw mango), chepnni-toram (raw mango pickle), ‘kharem’ and ‘solye’ (salted dried fish), roasted papads, kalchi-kodi, ripe mangos, jack-fruit, etc.
CRACKING THE ‘PEZ’ CODE
As I look back now, I find the miraculous Goan ‘porridge’ embedded within me. Eating a bowl of hot ‘pez’ magically cures my fevers, colds, laziness and even fears of any sickness, and gives me a rejuvenated strength.
My opinion may have changed over the years but the thought that I was right all along about ‘pez’ being nutritious only for the sick, is proved true whenever I chat overseas with my mom.
“Hello Mai..”
“Hello.., boro aha mure?” her typical Goan question.
“Ekdom boro, sarko jetan...”
“Jevlo?” she will ask irrespective of the time factor.
“Hoi mai..”
“Kitem jevlo aiz?..”
“Pez.. ..” I can’t help saying this just to get her to respond to one of the authentic ‘truths’ of Goan pez.
“Pez kiteak jevlo? Zor eila?”
“Na mai..”
“Thonddi zalea?”
“Na ghe..”
“Magir, pez kiteak jevlo?”
“Ugddas eilo tuzo.. ..”
Characters in the caricatures
Gasper Crasto & Mariani Cardozo-Crasto