Beware of 'Intruders'

gasper, gasper crasto, goa, Goan Football, etc

:::It’s a tongue-in-cheek story -- inspired by 'our' life in Kuwait. The characters, however, are imaginary:::

N-o-w..’ a deep whisper.

‘Not now..’ another reverberating sound.

I was woken up in the dead of the night. A bit dazed, I listened intently to the voices while my eyes moved to the wall clock in the shimmering light.


“Who could it be at this hour?” I wondered.

My first reaction was to turn around and see if my wife had slipped out of bed. For a while, I thought she had, but she was right there - 'down under'. 

It was her habit to put the AC sub-zero and bury herself under the quilt in Eskimo-clothing. The ice-cold temperatures always made me freeze while she enjoyed-da-snooze in woolen clothes even when it was summer.

I moved the quilt and shook her up – ensuring to protect my ‘family jewels’ in case of a premeditated ‘kickback’. 

“What..!???” she asked - baffled as usual and seemingly disturbed; eyes popped out as big as plates.

“Did you hear that? There’s somebody in the house..!”

“Why don’t you go have a look ..”

“What if it is some armed intruder-r-s..” I mumbled. 

“Intruder..... god’s sake let me sleep in peace.. I guess you’ve been reading too much of that South African blade runner ‘Oscar Pistorius’ stories..”

Before I could say something else, she had drifted back into the la-la-land. 

‘N-o-w..’ the whispers sounded again.

‘Not n-o-w..’ a very distinct response.

‘N-o-w.. N-o-w..’ the first voice again. 

It was not a dream for sure. Somebody was there in the house, or maybe just outside. I sat up in bed and paid 'full' attention. But all I could hear was the tick of the clock.

The eerie moment reminded me of the horror film we had watched the previous night. I didn't like horror films at all. But then, since she was watching, I sat there to watch too. It left me impressed no doubt, but it freaked the hell out of me, seriously. 

It was about a couple who run over a girl while they are driving back home, and then they leave her to die in the middle of the road. The couples are both photographers and so the girl starts haunting them in their pictures. They start finding weird shadows and ghost-like forms in all pictures they click, which start to worry them. 

If that wasn’t enough they begin to see the dead girl in real life too. 

It was a frightening movie every second, with lots of creative moments. Certainly, I can barely watch scenes like that while people in the movie seem to find it chilling for a few minutes and then act as if nothing happened. 

There was one really bizarre scene where the guy wakes up to find someone at the end of bed slowly pulling away the bedsheet. He looks down and sees the dead girl. I told my wife that was pretty cool and I would try it on her someday. She told me if I ever did that, it would be the last day I saw her.  No sense of humor at all.

“Oh yes.. I hear the voices..” she said, suddenly propping up in bed. 

“A man and a woman perhaps.. naah?” I seconded.

“Sure it is some stranger, the Arabs and Filipinos on our floor don’t speak English..”

‘N-o-w..’ the whispers came again. It was a whining tone, certainly a man’s.

‘Not now..’ a woman perhaps.

‘N-o-w..’ again the man’s undertone, almost sounding like a song.

“Someone’s trying to have some fun.. sex maybe..?” I said, “People usually speak English when they make love..!”

“What rubbish.. how do you know..?”


“They are out in the front...”

“How dare they..” I got up and caught hold of my prized cricket bat lying in the corner which I'd never played with. I had kept it in the house just for 'show' and brought it out in the sitting room everytime I sat to watch India play cricket on TV, or for a purpose such as this - confronting unwelcomed intruders.

Beware..!. they say there’s some Egyptian serial killer on the loose.. Don’t open the door.. it might be him... Hold it, let’s call the police..”

I froze at the bedroom door, not with the slightest fear of any killer. There was a ‘dripping’ sound coming from the bathroom. It reminded me of the ghastly sight in the horror movie. A similar sound when they open the bathroom door and they find a man’s head hanging from the shower nozzle, with its throat slit open, blood dripping into the bathtub. 

I shuddered, eyes wide open and sharp. Just could not believe the chills on my spine. However, I affirmed myself that I was ‘man of the house’; I could not show my wife I was panicked. I gathered my guts, and took a deep breath.

“Somebody pinch me, just to make sure am awake..” I said with authority as I tiptoed.

The next moment I nearly jumped out of my skin. She had actually pinched me – a womanish pinch -- tinny and sharp as a needle.

“Are you out of your mind?” I gritted between my teeth, “Why did you pinch.. ..”

“You said to pinch..”

“It was just a statement – a figure of speech.. I know am awake, am not sleep-walking.. Hmm..   Did you leave the tap open before going to bed?” 

“Why would I do that..” she shuddered like a wet kitten trying to dry itself. 

Her ‘quaking’ was screwing up my nerves; I was forcing myself to be brave but her jittery reaction made me even more uneasy. Still, I needed her by my side; it made me feel good. As I was about to charge into the bathroom, she picked up one of her slippers and raised it over her head. 

“What’s that you are doing..” I halted and eyed her.

“I’ll swipe one, whoever it is..” she demonstrated, swirling the slipper right across my nose which made me duck away. 

“You can’t kill a fly, even if you do kill one by mistake or stamp a cockroach, you demand to replace the slippers with new ones.. forget it.. put it down..”

I opened the bathroom door, quiet as a mouse.

Tip, tip, tip. The sound was there but no water dripping anywhere.

“Where’s the water?” she asked – happy that I stopped giving her ‘you-did-something-wrong’ glances.

“Where the hell.. is the dripping sound coming from?” I was agitated by now. 

It's not from the kitchen for sure..” she said,  Must be upstairs neighbor peeing on the bathroom floor...!”

“That’s intelligent thinking..” I was almost in a rage.

“Maybe the neighbors are fooling with our minds... someone’s playing recordings of dripping water behind the walls perhaps - from youtube -- just to see if they can confuse us....or make us angry..”

“Will you please talk sense..”

“Well, it can’t be ghosts,.. everyone talks, has anyone ever seen one..?” she clutched my arm. I could sense her trembling. The thought made me 'vibrate' a bit too.

“Man of the house -- I dare not show fright,” I juggled my mind, repeatedly.

“What’s the sound you think, hmm?” she clasped my arm, knuckles digging into my flesh.

“Am sure it’s the sound of hot and cold pipes expanding and contracting.. Remember, we’d put on the ‘geaser’ this evening.. Or it can be something to do with the drainage, an internal sound when the sink or bath’s drying..”

‘N-o-w..’ the voice of the intruder almost shot her into my arms.

‘Not now..’ a responsive murmur, very scary one.

“They are out in the corridor,” she said. “Am sure there are two of them..”

“Let me check,” I stepped aside and walked towards the main door, holding the cricket bat firmly and practicing Dhoni’s ‘helicopter shot’ in my mind should I need to use it. 

I peeked through the peep-hole in the door.  

“Can you see them?” she whispered, and then skittled like a rat deserting a sinking ship, and hid behind the bedroom door. 

“Can’t see anyone out there...”

“Must be some paramours, am sure.. Be careful.. Don’t open the door... Watch out!.. it could be the killer after all.. or even some ‘bhoot’.. .. shh..”

I was fuming at myself than at her gobbledygook.  My curiosity was to see who it was and blast the hell out of them. I opened the door as quietly as I could.

The spectacle that I saw made me retreat with my tail between the legs. I closed the door quietly and strolled towards my wife. 

“What?” she asked, “You look as if you saw some UFO. Who is it..?”

“Tom and his wife..”

“Who’s Tom?”

“Well, it’s not right to physically attempt to separate them... In the heat of emotion, they may not recognize anyone.. It can turn their passion into a pride of lions.. a violent battle may ensue..”

“What do you mean?”

“Let’s go to sleep, dear.. before they come chase away my Jerry..” I winked.

The peculiar whispers continued, turning into customary growls -- distinctly audible now. 


‘N-o- N-e-o-w..’

:::HAPPY BRONZE WEDDING dearest esparansa:::

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