A humor story by Gasper Crasto...26.10.2017
‘Ya Habibi, Ya Rohi (حبيبتي , يا روحي) / Oh My Love, Oh My Soul.’
I always ponder on this beautiful Arabic phrase and the magic it beholds in the Arab world.
However, one of the most frequent phrases that I hear within my own world and home is, “Did you hear what I just said? ”
Of course, that does not really bother me. What does bother me is when I say, “Yes..”
She will immediately spring back saying, “What did I just say…?”
“It is not that I do not hear what you say..,” my usual response.
“But you just won’t listen..!” she roared back one fine day, “I will tell you one last time. There is a big difference between hearing and listening...”
“Well, I hear many things,” I said, “but I certainly don’t pay attention to crap talk. I have important things on my mind...”
She stared at me wide-eyed as always, “Act your age, not your shoe-size. If you listen well, you wouldn’t be what you arrr....”
Her words were cut short as I turned and stared back at her.
Then I began to think. If I listened to most of the stuff she said, it made sense no doubt. But sometimes her bark was worse than her bite, which probably made me turn a deaf ear; not much of it was worth listening anyway.
Well, throughout the glorious years of our marriage, me and my wife have had differences. However, I guess I can count all of them on my one hand, but I am not sure if it is my right hand or left.
Our major differences boil down to just one statement which always comes from her end, “What did you do with the money?”
And I find myself in no position to answer that ever, always finding myself trying to dodge the bullet. Am sure, even if I had the world’s top financial consultants at my mercy, there was no way of discovering where my money went before the end of each month.
I have given this a hard thought lately, never really coming to terms with the thoughts of my wife.
Well, whatever it was, I knew the cat and the rat never thought alike. And I have tried to keep my mind empty of any negative thoughts – always assuming myself to be a Sheikh with ‘license to print money’ and my wife, to be a Queen bee.
Before she taxed me with anything to do with savings or cash, I made a dash.
:::All stories are a work of fiction:::
I went to the bedroom to get dressed up. My brother and sister-in-law were visiting us for the weekend, and I had to pick them up from the airport.
“1.30am midnight flight, isn’t it odd?” I said.
She did not care to respond, and for a moment I felt I was talking to myself.
I went to the cupboard looking for one of my favorite T-shirts to wear. I could not find it.
“Have you seen the T-shirt that was lying here, this corner?” I asked.
There was no response whatsoever.
Then I tried to fetch my jeans. As with my T-shirt, my jeans and shoes were nowhere in sight. The worn-out watch I was wearing for years and my wallet were missing too along with some other personal items.
I was beginning to think we had been robbed.
“What robber would steal such things?” I thought, “It would have to be a rather desperate person to be picking up my hollow purse...”
“Don’t you know I have arranged things in their place,” she spoke finally. “What will they say to see all mess in the house?”
From nowhere, she laid out the things that I was hunting for.
“Wife is a wife..” I thought.
For sure I couldn’t do without her, atleast to find my things on time. And I always found myself running out of time when I had to rush.
She was still arranging some haphazard things when I opened the door to leave.
“Thank you for not annoying me more than you do...” I said and vanished out of sight before she blew up the fuse.
The airport was rather crowded even at odd hours of the night. I saw the flight was a bit delayed.
I looked around and found no one known. And most people were busy on their mobile phones.
“What would happen to the society if mobile phones suddenly stopped working for a few hours especially in a country we lived in?” I wondered.
I was sure there would be such a panic all over that nobody would actually survive.
I decided I should call someone on my phone as well. After all, I was trying to fit in with this high society. My dilemma came when I tried to figure out who in the world to call in the middle of the night.
Then it dawned on me. I will call her. I do not know why I did not think of it before. So, I speed-dialed my home number.
As soon as the phone started ringing, a thought dingled in my mind. What in the world am I calling her for? What in the world would I talk about?
Before I could juggle through all of the questions flowing in my mind she answered the phone.
The first words out of her mouth were, “What did you forget now?”
I assured her that I had not forgotten anything. I sensed a slight pause on the other end and then she said, “Did you forget your wallet?”
“No.., but I guess there is very little money left in it..”
“What?.. what did you do with all the money?”
Within the next few minutes I was bombarded with question after question, all I did was call, and at that point, I could not remember why I had called her.
“Yala Habibi, Ya Rohi…,” I mumbled the magical Arabic words, “money is not the most important thing in this world. Love is... I just called to say.. .. ..it’s alright if you are asleep...”
“Oh-h-h..,” she said in a noodled voice, not knowing how to answer that.
“It is always a pleasure talking to you when you are asleep..” I whispered, “and I am gonna cherish the memories as long as I live...”
“1.30am midnight flight, isn’t it odd?” I said.
She did not care to respond, and for a moment I felt I was talking to myself.
I went to the cupboard looking for one of my favorite T-shirts to wear. I could not find it.
“Have you seen the T-shirt that was lying here, this corner?” I asked.
There was no response whatsoever.
Then I tried to fetch my jeans. As with my T-shirt, my jeans and shoes were nowhere in sight. The worn-out watch I was wearing for years and my wallet were missing too along with some other personal items.
I was beginning to think we had been robbed.
“What robber would steal such things?” I thought, “It would have to be a rather desperate person to be picking up my hollow purse...”
“Don’t you know I have arranged things in their place,” she spoke finally. “What will they say to see all mess in the house?”
From nowhere, she laid out the things that I was hunting for.
“Wife is a wife..” I thought.
For sure I couldn’t do without her, atleast to find my things on time. And I always found myself running out of time when I had to rush.
She was still arranging some haphazard things when I opened the door to leave.
“Thank you for not annoying me more than you do...” I said and vanished out of sight before she blew up the fuse.
The airport was rather crowded even at odd hours of the night. I saw the flight was a bit delayed.
I looked around and found no one known. And most people were busy on their mobile phones.
“What would happen to the society if mobile phones suddenly stopped working for a few hours especially in a country we lived in?” I wondered.
I was sure there would be such a panic all over that nobody would actually survive.
I decided I should call someone on my phone as well. After all, I was trying to fit in with this high society. My dilemma came when I tried to figure out who in the world to call in the middle of the night.
Then it dawned on me. I will call her. I do not know why I did not think of it before. So, I speed-dialed my home number.
As soon as the phone started ringing, a thought dingled in my mind. What in the world am I calling her for? What in the world would I talk about?
Before I could juggle through all of the questions flowing in my mind she answered the phone.
The first words out of her mouth were, “What did you forget now?”
I assured her that I had not forgotten anything. I sensed a slight pause on the other end and then she said, “Did you forget your wallet?”
“No.., but I guess there is very little money left in it..”
“What?.. what did you do with all the money?”
Within the next few minutes I was bombarded with question after question, all I did was call, and at that point, I could not remember why I had called her.
“Yala Habibi, Ya Rohi…,” I mumbled the magical Arabic words, “money is not the most important thing in this world. Love is... I just called to say.. .. ..it’s alright if you are asleep...”
“Oh-h-h..,” she said in a noodled voice, not knowing how to answer that.
“It is always a pleasure talking to you when you are asleep..” I whispered, “and I am gonna cherish the memories as long as I live...”
:::HAPPY WEDDING ANNIVERSARY dearest esparansa:::