By Gasper Crasto / Kuwait
The world never stops talking about the ageing superstar: CR7 -- Cristiano Ronaldo dos Santos Aveiro, currently ‘playing’ his trade with Saudi Arabia’s Al-Nassr Football Club.
Across history, no footballer, not even King Pele or Maradona, had such a grip on global imagination.
Ronaldo is the first to have a billion social media followers.
He is audacious, ‘arrogant’ and selfish but a 5-time Balon d’Or winner, the first football billionaire, the most successful footballer across different leagues; the highest goalscorer in international football, and record-breaker of shirt sales.
He is insanely talented but critics say he is a product of ‘practice’, and not ‘naturally talented’, although they are yet to prove any player who can practice his way to Ronaldo’s achievements.
On current evidence, there is nothing stopping the superstar from playing until 40 or beyond.
One question however still continues to jiggle fans – the question about Cristiano Ronaldo being called the G.O.A.T (Greatest Of All Time).
In this exclusive out-of-the-way interview with gaspersWorld, perhaps Ronaldo’s first one-on-one after his explosive with British bragger Piers Morgan back in November ’22, Ronaldo opens up a ‘sack of rabbits’ once again.
This is a satire or parody though, entirely fictitious.
gaspersWorld: Olá Cristiano, Bom dia, Salamalekum!!!
Ronaldo: Waalaikum-Salaam wa rahmatullah wa barakat !!!
gaspersWorld: Wow you speak Arabic, would you like to stay and live in Saudi Arabia?
Ronaldo: Why not? My family likes it here, so I would love to stay here and enjoy life. But much depends on what happens in my life. Who knows what will happen next season.
gaspersWorld: What do you think of Riyadh as a city?
Ronaldo: It’s perfect. I feel very comfortable. As I have lived in Madrid and Manchester for many years, everything outside the 2M’s for me is… you know what!
gaspersWorld: In your last interview you said you felt ‘as free as a bird’ after you were ‘smacked out’ of UK by Man United. Do you miss UK?
Ronaldo: No. But I miss the funny English media, am sure they miss me too; it’s their media that creates all the hype there, not their football. Otherwise football is same everywhere in the world including Saudi, Miami or India.
gaspersWorld: Do you think it is possible for Saudi to turn from Mecca of religion to Mecca of football?
Ronaldo: Saudi will be the Mecca of everything very soon -- with unthinkable Mega Projects coming up like the NEOM Line, Oxagon, and the Trojena 2029 where the country’s desert promises to be a playground for year-round outdoor skiing and adventure sports. CR7 is the Messiah leading the nation to a top footballing league in the world.
gaspersWorld: Who has been your biggest source of inspiration? Inspiração para jugar?
Ronaldo: Everyone thinks it is my mother Maria Dolores, or Sir Alex Ferguson. None. Am inspired by my own self.
gaspersWorld: What brings you more happiness - your records or the public appreciation?
Ronaldo: Just football. I don’t know if I would be the CR7 brand without football.
gaspersWorld: Do you want your son to be a professional footballer too?
Ronaldo: Yes ofcourse, it’s my dream. I will not retire till we play on the same team – maybe at Sporting Clube de Portugal. Right now he’s under lot of pressure, for being Ronaldo’s son.
gaspersWorld: Do you watch Messi games?
Ronaldo: No. If I am at home and it’s on, I’ll watch. I am not like, Oh Messi is playing tonite and I have to watch. The truth is I don’t watch football, I only play football. I have other life too – like watching my business, know what I mean?
gaspersWorld: Why do you think you get whistled at?
Ronaldo: The truth is, the truth is, the truth is… I’ve tried to analyze it many times, but I still don’t understand why. It could be because I am a good player… I don’t know.
gaspersWorld: Reports say you have the biggest cock among Saudi players. How do you react to that?
Ronaldo: Am very proud of my cock.
gaspersWorld: I know many footballers back home in my State keeping fighter bulls and buffaloes...
Ronaldo: ...We have a small group of Portugez friends in Saudi having a cock competition every Sunday at the Mariott or other places. I enter my cock all over. And I have turned down really big offers for my cock, but I plan to feed it to my Al-Nassr teammates if we win the league next season.
gaspersWorld: You have the image of being ‘sexy’ after all your links to women including your wife who is not your wife yet. What does it mean to you?
Ronaldo: I don’t care what others think of me. Am used to it. Some things I hear bother me, but it’s a part of my life. What it means to me? Sexy is sexy in Portugez too, what is it in your language?
gaspersWorld: My language? Being too sexy means ‘combo’, cock-re-cock!!! Ha ha ha.. Never mind, Cristiano, thank you for this short, lovely chat.
Ronaldo: It’s my pleasure. Which Portugez colony did you say you come from? Is it the same place where they have my statue in Calangute in India?
gaspersWorld: Oh Yes! That’s correct. I come from that land of fun, feni and football.
Ronaldo: We have been to all the other places – the Ironman Ronaldo statue in Italy which is as tall as a four-storey building, the Iceman in Russia, and my lookalike at Madam Tussaud’s. Tell me why they built this one in Goa, am told it weighs 410kgs.
gaspersWorld: It’s built to promote football and encourage our youth to take up football. But all that our youth do these days is watch Cristiano Ronaldo on TV. Nonetheless, they all practice your ‘Siuu’ style.
Ronaldo: Tell them they could be ‘siuu-ed’ for infringing copyright. Ha ha. Anyway, making a trip to Calangute is the first thing on Georgina’s bucket list -- once I retire.
gaspersWorld: If you wish to be called the greatest, and beat Messi to that title, you better make it to G.O.A asap.
Ronaldo: Just G.O.A? What about T?
gaspersWorld: Tea and whisky, no limit in Goa. Ha ha ha ... Cheers!!! Viva Ronaldo!
______________
ALSO READ: